As founder and Chief Learning Officer of Cooperperson Performance Consulting I’ve spent much of my 40 year career examining the ways in which the human will of intelligent, motivated, and seemingly successful Business Leaders can be captured by their own mental circuitry.
Based on Neuroscience and reams of empirical data, I have discovered that one brain based mechanism underlies a wide range of self-limiting behaviors from over controlling to procrastination to need for approval. This one root cause is also responsible for our constructive, even extraordinary accomplishments. Simply stated, our most unique ability, overused, often becomes our greatest liability.
A few examples:
A “take control-get it done” Leader often winds up angry and frustrated because they are “responsible for everything” and “they know best how things should turn out and how people should behave”. Their over controlling causes internal organizational conflict, chaos, high employee turnover and continual crisis.
Caretakers, who become excellent service professionals, often think and feel responsible for everyone else’s feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, needs and well-being. They say yes when they mean no, do things they don’t really want to be doing, do more than their fair share of work and do things that others are capable of doing themselves. Inevitably, they feel angry, victimized, unappreciated and used.
Inspirational, motivational and friendly leaders often base their worth on external recognition are in constant fear of failure and embarrassment, have weak boundaries and allow themselves to be used.
Team Players, who can be counted on to preserve harmony and offer support, also avoid conflict, focus their energy on other people’s problems and wonder why it’s so difficult to get things done.
Logical, fact based analytics, whose black and white thinking adds great value to a team, often have trouble trusting their decisions, their feelings, and other people. They avoid risk, repress emotions, and do what they have always done because it’s predictable.
The good news is that by understanding the three basic elements of this mental vice grip you can harness the power to reshape your life and achieve your own exalted purpose.
The one root cause of our self-limiting behavior and the key to producing extraordinary results is composed of three basic elements:
1. Where we focus our attention
2. Our perceived ability to accomplish desired outcomes; and
3. The skills to change our emotional state.
Connect 4- Effective Communication provides the foundational strategies for any individual or organization who wants to understand these elements and the four distinct styles of communication that define our strengths and development opportunities in these key areas.
Connect can be the single-most critical tool you will ever find to achieve your goals. To quote Bill Gates, “the sooner you learn to recognize and appreciate people’s different styles, the richer your life will be”